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Archive for June, 2012

Betrayed

I would venture to say there are very few of us who have not felt or been betrayed by someone or even a circumstance.  In retrospect, we often can see that the erosion of our trust happened little by little – even under our unsuspecting noses. And it’s painful. It’s infuriating.

 Betrayal comes like a thief to the unsuspecting heart or the oblivious friendship stealing away what is most sacred.  It is masked by false friendships and armed with motivations such as jealousy, idle gossip, pride and arrogance.  And it almost always happens with little regard for the outcome.  Recently the piercing arrow of betrayal has found its way into our lives, and I cannot think of many things more torturous to one’s confidence in humankind.

Oh, the questions we’ve asked ourselves silently and aloud.  “Why?” “How could he? How could she?” The answers are not there – and may never be found.  Yet through the devastation, confusion, self-doubt and anger, we’ve discovered a strength that only comes through the questioning.  It’s so hard for us to wrap our minds around being manipulated because SB and I  don’t operate in that manner.  We curse the pain because we would never intentionally hurt someone ourselves.  And the only compartment we can truly find to place such betrayal is in the pity box.

We pity the ones who have caused us sleepless nights and such hurt. We pity them because we know that all we really leave behind in this world and in the lives of others is our word, our integrity. And they have none. If they continue doing to others as they’ve done to us, their legacy in this world will be the example of what not to do.

What comes to mind are basic life lessons most every kind person learns early in life. Somewhere along the way, simple human kindnesses are exchanged for selfish motivations and the fallout can change the biggest heart needlessly.

Like Robert Fulghum reminded us in his book, All I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten, it doesn’t hurt to remember how to treat others: “Share everything; Play fair; Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody; When you go out in the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.”

 What we put out into the world, truly does come back to us – any five year old knows this.

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Remembering Sadie Love

“We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own; live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan…” -“The Once Again Prince”-Irving Townsend

In her last hours she didn’t have to tell us she loved us or she was sorry for anything.  She lived that way every day.  What I remember most is how she taught me the lesson of unconditional love.  Sometimes she was sassy and misbehaved. But I don’t remember many of those moments anymore.  What I do remember is no matter what was going on, whether she ignored our commands and tore off through the woods in search of a big Labrador Retriever adventure or if she was lounging at my feet, there was always room in Sadie’s day to give us love. Time after time, lick after lick, she loved us.  If we were late getting home, she didn’t mind. If we were intent in our own agendas and activities, she just moved in a little closer. Sadie lived life big. From her paws and ears to her barrel chest and bark, she left her mark on this world and in the hearts of all who knew her. For Steve and me, she stole our hearts from the day we each met her and took pieces of them with her as her big heart beat its last… bum-bum..bum-bum…. 

The pain of losing our beloved Sadie cuts as sharply today as it did 85 days ago. Our hearts break all over again every time we talk or laugh about her. Yet the boundless joy that was ours for nearly eleven years  trickles through the cracks in my heart like warm honey.  The gift of her life was magical. She was an angel disguised by yellowish-white fur and ears as soft as cashmere.  When that fragile circle of life was breached and she took her last earthly breath, my heart was breaking in a way it had never been pierced before. I held her close for one more moment and whispered, “Thank you, ol’ girl. You loved us well.”

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