Five years ago today I was sitting on my back porch enjoying a glorious fall morning. First I sipped some coffee and then I spent several hours reading my Bible, praying, and journaling. Five years ago today I was recovering from the physical side effects of losing our baby, gaining strength, and planning my return to work the following week. Five years ago I wrote this in my journal:
“Lord, I turn my desire for a baby over to you knowing that you see what is best and pure and right. It’s not about me, Lord. It’s about you and your purpose. Use me, Lord, however, wherever I’m supposed to go.”
And that was the end of my entry but the beginning of a new journey. Within an hour, I received a phone call from Dr. Jimmy Moore informing me that my week’s bloodwork showed signs that my molar pregnancy had metastasized into cancer. He had scheduled me for a CT-scan the following day, and I was to plan to stay overnight in the hospital. The Lord surely was taking me at my word – and He had plans to use me for sure.
Five years ago today, my life spiraled into orbit in fast forward increments that involved chemotherapy, CT scans, PET scans, Neulasta and Procrit shots, exhaustion, thinning hair, surgery, more chemotherapy. It was a time of uncertainty and frustration. Yet it was a time of complete peace in knowing that the Lord had me in the palm of His hand.
Five years ago today was the beginning of a lesson I inevitably had to learn – to give Him my entire life for his glory. It was a time of being swept up onto a cloud of grace as prayers went up for my life. It was a time of knowing who my friends really were, the beauty of making new friends and relationships I might otherwise would have missed. It was a time of sweet redemption, of being still and knowing He is sovereign in all things.
It’s been 5 years ago today that cancer entered my life, which took me on a new path of unexpected joy, peace, and grace. And today, I am thankful for that unexpected time in my life. That’s when I began planting a new garden that daily teaches me how to live a fertile life through my infertility.
You know what they say, “Bloom where you’re planted.”
God has used your journey to encourage others who have experienced what you have gone through and those who have NOT gone what you have gone through. You do not know what kind of inspiration you are to so many women, and I want to THANK YOU for being faithful to your calling. I am so happy you are here FIVE YEARS LATER!!!
Love you!
What a wonderful story, that could have had a totally different ending. Thank you for being willing to let God use you. It’s such a profound moment when we realize that He doesn’t need us, He WANTS us. His plan for our lives is always there. We follow it, or we don’t. Imagine the blessings you would have missed out on, the peace that you would have gone without, if you had not allowed yourself to be emptied, in order to be filled. You’re a blessing. Thanks!!
I remember the day you wrote that in your journal and I asked you if you realized what you were actually telling the Lord. I told you that if you truly meant it He would take you at your word and use you for His purpose and BOY, has He! As I have told you many times, the same God that holds the universe is the same God who is holding you. As always, I am proud and honored to say that I have observed you letting Him hold you more times than I can count.
An incredible, but uncommon statement — to say that the day cancer entered your life was the start of a journey of joy, peace and grace. Those feelings aren’t often associated with cancer. Your ability to make that statement and to be thankful for that time is a true and unshakeable testimony to the fact that God is real and near. How fortunate we are to be able to enjoy the blooms!
Bless You.
Love you, friend.
When are you coming back for a visit? Duke (and Bo and the rest of the crew) miss you!
Uh, hello grammar slammer.
That was supposed to be:
Duke (….) misses you.
Duh…..I are a edjumicated person……..
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Just had to say that I loved you the moment I met you what…13 or 14 years ago. Never would have told you that you would still be such an important part of my life! Here’s to your 5 year mark!
You know it would have taken me longer than 5 years to be able to see the journey in the peaceful manner that you do – what an inspiration you are to the rest of us.